Quitting, finishing, and looking for the definition of done
"When Can I Stop Working?" says the worthless man.
I’ve written before about the fact most men deserve to be cheated on. I’ve talked about the fact that most men suck - and aren’t worth a damn. I haven’t talked about why this is.
And the why is the interesting part of the question. If you know why it is, you should also know how to avoid it. The answer is very simple, they are have a shit attitude and are too damn lazy to figure it out. They want the world to be easy, so they don’t have to do the work.
What does this look like in practice? We’ve got a great example below.
A reader makes the following post at r/askmrp
Title: When does "own your shit" turn into "beating a dead horse to death"?
Body: When (if ever) do you know if your changes will elicit the change(s) you're hoping to see in your relationship?
The "definition of done" in the many readings suggested to us is nebulous.
I ask because I have a tendency to fight to the bitter end.
And our friend threekindsoflucky provides the answer.
The way you frame the question tells everything about the way you think.
I want to make this clear. I'll give you a list of things you can change:
You.
That's it. It's a long list but I do trust you can remember it.
With that thought in mind, I'll also tell you what you can do to reliably change your relationship:
Leave and find another woman.
That also links back to the first point, you control you. That means, you control who you're with.
Ok, so that's the obvious shit out of the way.
I'll get to what I think you're actually asking. If you want a relationship to be a certain way, or you want things to change in a relationship, then you need to set up that expectation and the consequence for not meeting that expectation. It's then on your partner to decide if they think it is worthwhile to them or not.
Note that this won't work with sex, as you can't negotiate desire. You can try, but you wont like the result.
The neat trick is that this only will work if you're actually worth a damn (i.e. your partner prefers to be with you compared to the alternative). This is the main part that the vast majority of guys tend to forget.
You get what you deserve in your relationships. If you put up with shit, then you deserve shit. If you let your parnter walk all over you, then you're probably something who deserves to be walked over.
It's all fairly basic once you really understand.
When (if ever) do you know if your changes will elicit the change(s) you're hoping to see in your relationship?
The fact you use the word 'hope' tells me everything I need to know. So for you, well. Keep hoping.
The "definition of done" in the many readings suggested to us is nebulous.
You can define 'done' as whatever you want, but the whole 'not being a worthless piece of shit' is something that is never 'done'. I say this specifically because I suspect your definition of done is 'I did the stuff, now things are what I wanted, so I can go back to being shit now because I have what I want'.
I ask because I have a tendency to fight to the bitter end.
If you're fighting, you've already lost.
It’s all mindset and attitude - the approach that one takes to a problem.
Naturally, this fucking guy hasn’t even started. He’s made exactly 0 OYS posts and has done fuck all so far. We’ve seen this enough to know he’ll fail before he even start.
It’s actually really easy. Just do the work. Go and make post #1. Then make post #2. Then make post #3. And apply the mental energy to run an OODA loop to figure out what needs to change next. And continue doing the work. The work doesn’t stop.
Guys are wired to make everything in their fucking life a checklist. Things to obtain or fix and once the work is done, we can slack off.
Sucks we are wired that way, but the guys who get it push past that and do what needs to be done will have a better life.